Self Care
How often in my professional life do I hear the phrase “self care”? Usually it’s someone telling me that I should take time for myself, do things that are enriching to me, take a bubble bath. To those things I say “sure, and with what time do you suggest I do these things?” Most of the time we don’t have the resources (money/time/support) to get done all the things we HAVE to do, much less to do the things we WANT to do. So how does self care work when you have too much on your plate already?
As a parent (and all around busy human person), I’ve realized that self care is often more about what you WON’T do. On an average day we have a to-do list that is 3 miles long and not enough hours to finish. Sometimes it’s important to look at that list and realistically decide what isn’t going to get done so that we have the head space to do well what does need to get done. Here are some ways to work “self care” into your day by NOT doing things:
Look at your to-do list (like, literally write it out). Let it be messy at first, get all the thoughts that are swimming around in your head down on paper
Organize the list: use colored pens or sticky notes or cut it up into little strips. However you do this, separate your tasks into 3 categories: Do Now, Do Later, Maybe Someday
If your Do Now list still seems too long, pick the top three things that HAVE to get done (bills paid, grocery store, take a shower, whatever it is) and do those things before you come back to the list. Maybe some of the other things will seem less daunting or less important if those big bads are done.
Do what you can, FORGIVE yourself for the rest. Remember: self care is self kindness, don’t beat yourself up, you did what you were capable of doing today.
Once you’ve gotten through the Do Now list (maybe right before bed). Take a look at your Do Later list. Can these be organized into any kind of categories? My list becomes Weekly/Monthly chores and then things with due dates. I put these things on my calendar so they have deadlines. (Natural procrastinators, like myself, work better with deadlines)
The “Maybe Someday” list gets put on the fridge. That way, if you do find a day where you have some extra time, you can pick something off the list and mark it completed!
Now, this is just one way to organize a to-do list. There are plenty of other ways, but the most important part is to get it down somewhere. Letting tasks roll around in your head can make things confusing for even the most skilled multi-tasker. If a written list isn’t your thing, there are plenty of list making apps that are really handy!
Finally, there are some things on our to-do lists that are hard because they are emotionally loaded. Family interactions, cleaning out your childhood boxes, donating the belongings of a loved one who passed (just to name a few). Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves and say “I will do that another day, but not today because it’s too hard.” A big, looming task like that needs a Due Date and a Support Person and possibly a hair and makeup team and a massage after. These emotional tasks are hard to wedge into a to-do list of daily tasks, so they really need their own day. Schedule that time so you can adequately prepare yourself for that task.
Talking to someone about the task coming up and what to do with all those emotions can be a huge help. Sitting down with a friend/partner/therapist and discussing your tension and fears can help them to dissipate before taking on a huge task. The trick is to be kind to yourself during the process. Instead of “why haven’t you done this yet,” tell yourself “It’s okay that you haven’t, it’s really hard, so let’s make a plan.” I hope this helps someone out there! Feel free to get in touch with me via email or phone if you have questions or want to talk about some upcoming tasks that are looming in your to-do list!